Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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