I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
