How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
