I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.