if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.