I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.