yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
