Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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