tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
