ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
