love makes seman taste better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
