I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As shirtless as possible
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
