he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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