You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
