I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
