hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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