i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need a beard to bite.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
