Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
