This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
