After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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