John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
