Barsexuality is the new black.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
