just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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