It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
