32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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