Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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