I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
