life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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