forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
