the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
