I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
