Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize