i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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