ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
