i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
