That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
