Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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