Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize