1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
