Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
