they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
