I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
