I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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