I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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