I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
