i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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