i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
