your parents love me but you hate me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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