So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
