dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
