im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
