someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
