Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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