hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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