I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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