Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
