Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Green mimosas i think yes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
