You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
