if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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