Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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