What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize