I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
