im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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