Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
