don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
