he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
