Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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