she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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