I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
