But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
