Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
