Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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