he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
