Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
