Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
