i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
