your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
