Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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