I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
