Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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