OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i would punch a child for taco bell
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
