It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
