I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
