My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
